Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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