need another drink. this is the easiest way
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
