My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
