I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
