I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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