Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
