my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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