So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
