I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
