i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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