never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just cropdusted the office
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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