I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
