Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
