I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
