I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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