is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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