I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
