I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
