that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
