Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
