I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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