ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
