i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
