when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
