the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
