Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
