he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
