he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
