She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
