I wish I could punch you in the face.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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