I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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