my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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