He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
