dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
how does that bad decision feel?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
