i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
