you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
