My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The beer is more important than you right now.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
