I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
