i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We're too hungover to prance.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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