we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
