I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
