Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
