I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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