youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
