i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
