Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
now i know why i became what i already was.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
