this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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