We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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