There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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