She is in my trunk
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
