it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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