Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
