I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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