Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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