The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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