Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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